June 29, 2021

Love or Lust?

Lust or Love?

Lust is an intense desire driven by idealization and projection for someone in the early stages of their relationship. Many in committed relationships believe that something is wrong with their relationship if this intense desire and infatuation sensation are not present. Often couples try to find ways to bring this feeling of great excitement back into their lives without knowing that lust usually does not last very long. Even though lust and passion are exhilarating feelings, they often decrease quickly.

Love not only requires passion but is also composed of intimacy and commitment. When couples share intimacy, shared feelings, and connectedness, partners become confidants and best friends. Commitment allows couples to survive the differences and problems that arise in many relationships, not passion. As passion weakens with time and busy routines, many couples experience growth in intimacy and commitment as their relationship evolves into companionate love. Suppose intimacy does not flourish and a couple does not make a mutual decision to commit to each other. In that case, their relationship will be on shaky ground when passion fades and conflicts surface.

When making decisions during the early and passionate stage of a relationship, make sure that there are not significant detrimental differences and red flags. These differences and reg flags often remain and cause trouble or even separation later on.

It takes time to truly get to know someone and love them (with all of their flaws included). Take the necessary time, and be careful with initial exciting feelings that can disguise the differences that will hurt the relationship.

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Claudia Chavarro Counselor, MS, LMHC
University of North Florida: BA Psychology 2010
Nova Southeastern University: Masters of Science Mental Health Counseling


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Claudia Chavarro